i swim for brighter days.

writing. i do a lot of it.

words; they swim around inside my head all day long, dripping from my eye sockets and ears and out into the world. they’re like venom; poisonous to the taste. 

no one seems to understand who i really am. they don’t see how my mind is it’s own world. some may call it a dystopia…i call it a kingdom. i’m only being who i am, and i guess that scares some people, and i suppose there’s nothing i can do about that. but i would be lying if i said that i’d never tried to imagine what it must be like to really truly hate someone for who they are. i can’t imagine. people are just people, and well…it’s as simple as that.

i’m tired of this town. everyone’s obsessed with themselves. too afraid to venture into empathy and too vain to even want to.

1. Day Old Hate - City & Colour
2. Pieces - Sum 41

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i could just run away for a while. live all alone with no connection of any sort to the outside world. no cell phone, no computer, no high school, no media, no modern pop culture, no family or friends - just me and my soul, coinciding with one another. perfect harmony. nothing else.

a little home by a sea is all i’d need. far far away, buried deep into the crevices of Langisandur. i’d pack nothing but a few changes of clothes, a guitar, a map and binoculars, and it would be magical. i would learn the language and learn to believe in something other than money and love and beauty and pretty things and expensive things and more things. or in other words, what the culture i live in throws in my face every five seconds. i’d learn to believe in God and nature whole-heartedly. i’d talk with the sea like i used to, way back in another life. a life without the mass destruction i’ve endured over the past 10 years.

if only this dream could become a reality, maybe it wouldn’t just be an escape. maybe i’d fall in love with insanity and completely forget about reality. maybe i’d finally desert the modern world completely, never to return again.

oh god, how i wish i could. my heart aches for it. longs for it.

sigh.

1. Kolnidur - Jonsi

go get these:

1. Everything In Transit (2005) - Jack’s Mannequin
2. Black & White (2010) - The Maine
3. Everything’s Fine (2011) - The Summer Set

crazy how

life can change so quickly. old attitudes mold into fresh, new insights and shitty friends are replaced with new ones. but no matter how much change plagues us…there are always a few things that just don’t ever change. one of those things is your favorite songs. here are mine:

1. Best Of Me - The Starting Line
2. The Mixed Tape - Jack’s Mannequin
3. Welcome To Wherever You Are - Ten Second Epic
4. We’re OK - The Rescues
5. February Air - LIGHTS
6. About A Girl - The Summer Set
7. Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
8. Memory - Sugarcult
9. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
10. Boys Of Summer [originally by Don Henley] - The Ataris
11. Color - The Maine
12. You’re So Sober - The Trews

it’s been a while

since i’ve written anything about you. not a lyric, not a tune, not a poem - not even my journal has heard a peep about you in quite some time. it’s not that i don’t have the words, because you know i do. it’s just that i’m trying this new thing where i move on from the fact that we aren’t going to happen. there was never a chance for us to come alive and there never will be.

it’s quite the shame though, if i’m honest. we did it all in darkness; built us a great big kingdom with castle and a village full of peace and honesty that grew and grew. and we were the rulers. just me and you - the king & the queen. it’s a shame to know that it’s all gone now. abandoned, with nothing but a lonely spirit in the air. my lonely spirit, trapped deep within that very kingdom, never to be retrieved. or so i thought.

i will move on. i will see sunshine again. i WILL venture back into that broken land, someday - and seize my spirit and rush off into the sunset. until then, i don’t know how i’ll get by. i guess i’ll be sipping tea and listening to old songs that remind me of us. i’ll be living in black in white. but i do know that i’ll go back…someday. one day.

i’ll make my own happy ending. because in my heart i can see…it’s my only hope.

1. I Gave You All -Mumford & Sons
2. Almost Lover -A Fine Frenzy
3. We’re OK -The Rescues

good vibes

are eminent at this point in my life, derived from this list of goodies:

1. When We First Met - Hellogoodbye
2. We’re OK - The Rescues
3. Lakehouse - Of Monsters & Men
4. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
5. Girlfriend - Phoenix
6. Mona Lisa - The Summer Set

it’s a cold world out there kid,

but keep you’re head up.

1. “We Might As Well Strangers” - Keane
2. “Shelter” - Birdy
3. “Restless Dream” - Jack’s Mannequin
4. “Seaside” - The Kooks
5. “About A Girl” - The Summer Set
6. “Somewhere Out There” - Action Item

misery loves company, yes - but what happens when she has none?

“lonely” seems a wavering word to describe the pit of unhappiness i have been trusted into. it’s a word which quivers under the vastness that is my mind.

my pitiful, squandered excuse for a mind.

thomaspatrick asked: I came across your blog while searching the Grizzly Bear tag and I think it's safe to say we're musical soulmates/I'm currently downloading every song recommendation you've posted

Wow, really? Haha, I’m glad to hear that someone appreciates my strange taste. :)