You don’t need me like I need you.

He wants her.

She wants him.

And once again, I’m left behind.

I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’ve been lucky enough to have his tragically beautiful eyes in my life for three years, and he’s never seen me the way I see him. She’s known him for a week and already she’s asked him out on a date. He’s said yes too. And yet again, I’m left on my own while his world spins beautifully on without me. And the worst part is that he doesn’t really even care that much. At least I don’t think so. It’s so hard, needing someone. To need someone this much and not have them need you too…is the worst kind of pain. Because you’re in love with a fantasy. Your mind doesn’t want to admit itself to reality, so it has to be shoved back in. And I wasn’t ready for that. I cried on the bus today. I never cry. Not even for him.

I think it’s because I know that it might almost be time for me to move on. I think it might be almost time for me to let him go, but I don’t think I can. I don’t know if I want to. I mean, I want to be happy and I want him to be happy, but I think that those two can only coincide if we’re happy together.

But he doesn’t love me.

Not like that.

So here’s me. Crying. Heartbroken. Writing songs and listening to Bright Eyes. It’s like no one knows how I feel, not even me. 

I’ve written him over 300 songs. I’ve never shown him any of them. I’ve never told him I love him. I’ve never let him know how scared I am of losing him. I mean, I guess I never thought I really would. Lose him, that is. But here we are. And here he is, falling for a pretty little blonde with an attitude. He’s slipping away from me.

I guess I’ll just never know what could have been.

“…And you can tell everybody that this is your song.”


5 months ago  Notes (5)
  1. pretenddd posted this