i swim for brighter days.

it’s just a place i’m looking for.

in a busy hallway, littered with snowy windowsills and Christmas cheer, i drag my feet into the dim music room. this place is a chamber full of memories. it smells of dusty instruments, new sheet music and bittersweet nostalgia, and i find that i feel quite at home here. as i slip into a shadowy practice room, the sight of them together throws sharpened daggers through my heart. i can feel them pushing salty pain from my eyes. i pack my dusty acoustic and its little pick minions. i gather my sheet music and my cell phone and my boots and my jacket. i long for the snowy air. i just have to get out.

“Mallory, where are you going?” he took me by surprise in the approach. he’s no idea how much i want to jump into his arms and punch him in the face and kiss him and kill him all at the same time.

“Home.” i say. my eyes, shifted to the ground, cage what feels like infinite tears. they burn like a violent blue flame from inside my skull. 

“Oh…” he looks surprised, but doesn’t insist i stay. i didn’t think he would, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t feel some form of longing between us. it felt like, after all these years, our sugar-sweet bond was finally wearing. it was almost broken, i think. i began to suspect that he knew that things were slipping away from us. and here, in this moment, i did the unthinkable. i did what i will regret for the rest of forever. i turned away. i walked away. i gave up.

“…Wait.” he says softly. he moves a step closer and i swear to God, he’s going to hug me. i swear. i can see it in his eyes. those eyes made of sapphire crystals. those eyes that i’ve tread within for so long. he’s going to hug me.

but he doesn’t.

“Merry Christmas. Have a nice holiday.”, he says. he waits for my response, but i only turn on my heel and start for the door. freedom never looked this sweet.

“You too.” i mumble.

and that was that. 

1. “We Might As Well Be Strangers” - Keane
2. “You” - The Pretty Reckless