i swim for brighter days.

no fancy words. no over-thinking. this is it.

honestly, i’m not going to try and sound all poetic in this post. i’m not going to overuse adjectives or try and sound like a thesaurus. i don’t give a fuck anymore.

i hate school & i don’t care about my grades. i’m sorry, but i just don’t. i can’t go on pretending like my education is going somewhere, because i know that it isn’t. i’m not smart. i don’t give a shit about math and english and science and history. all i care about is music and my best friend. that’s it. i don’t want to go to college. i don’t want to get some shitty-ass generic career and settle down at 22. i just want all this pressure to be gone and i want to be able to breathe again. i’m sick of this endless anxiety welling up inside me and not having any release to it. not even music helps these days. i’m sick of feeling desperate. i’m sick of lost sleep, of tedious scheduling. i feel like my life is just a fucking loop, replaying the most boring things over and over and over.

i need to get out. i LITERALLY just want to go upstairs right now, pack a fucking suitcase, buy a plane ticket to Ireland and get the fuck OUT of this goddamn country. i hate my high school, i hate my family, my “friends”, my grades, everything. i want to burn it all. every last fucking bit of it. 

honestly, why can’t i just fucking DISAPPEAR.